what's your problem? can't you just be happy with what you have?
no, you always have to complicate things...want more (even if 2 days ago you were sure that THAT was exactly what you wanted..not more)...
at the same time, MORE scares you...to death...so you can't possibly admit that you want it? or can you?
...well, when you're drunk you can do a lot of things... you can cry over a lot of things.. things you have, things you want, things you don't want to want...
friends try to help you, but how could they understand you, if not even you understand what's going on in your head? they give you advice...contradict each other... one day you think one is right, the next day the other...it all just confuses you even more...
you try to figure out how to change the situation...what kind of action would be the best to take?
just say it aloud? ...but that will make it real...and you can't go back...
no, that's not what you want...
but go on like it is? no, that's not it either...
you consider escape..some might say that's the easiest way to handle it...just give up completely if you can't figure out how much you want...others might say it's the most stupid thing to do...because you will hurt yourself for sure instead of taking the chance to try and have at least a 50% chance of being happier...
but...

...so instead of taking a decision you decide not to decide...
the current situation is not that bad after all...
you are good at pretending that everything is fine as it is...
and you can go on, and on, and on...
until you break again...
feel sad, cry, scream and decide to change something...
but...